Summer Failure

I failed at something, again.

I knew I would, which is why I didn't think I should start.

Because I am:

     a quitter
     lazy
     a complainer
   
I don't like where I am in life right now, mentally.

I am:

     uninspired
     predictable
     overweight
     getting old
     sore
     lazy
     unhappy with me

School starts in 15 days, and I AM planning on walking daily when I get there. Let's see if I fail at that, too.

Or Not

I should change the title of this to "NOT Walking My Way Back"...cuz I haven't walked in almost two weeks.

But last night I had an mental talk with myself, and I feel a little better now.

I told myself that during the school year, 180 days in all, I walked almost every single day, rain, shine, cold, as long as I was safe (avoiding ice, etc.).

And that's quite an accomplishment.

Plus, when I went to my annual obgyn appointment and had to get. on. the. scale...it showed that I'm down about 4 pounds from where I thought I was.  So...that's another positive accomplishment.

Now that the humidity and heat have arrived, I spend a lot of time indoors where it's cool; my body and mind do NOT play well with others when those "others" are heat or humidity.  Never ever have.

Without a doubt, I will begin walking again five days a week when school starts, so I'm going to go easy on myself.

Amen.

I Did It!

Today is Day One of summer vacation...thank God.

I got up around 7:30 and sat on the back porch with my coffee and my book.  It was breezy and cool, so I decided that I'd walk today.

So I did.

And it was an easy decision...I didn't even try to talk myself out of it!

I walked 2.1 miles in about 39 minutes; longer than I usually take, but I wasn't power-walking, I was just walking a little faster than usual.  

I need to be kind to myself.

On the way home, my the mind-chatter told me to go straight home, not to take a left and make it a two-mile walk.

But my body went ahead and Took. The. Left!!  I couldn't even believe it!!  

Here I am, sweating on the back porch...but damn happy that I DID IT! 

Thank You, God.

Really Not Good

I haven't walked in, well, in I don't know how long.  There are a number of reasons, aka excuses why, like humidity, rain, heat.

None of them matter, except for the humidity part; I won't walk in THAT shit.

Is it because I don't care?  I don't freaking know.

But it worries me because I know me.

Still Not So Great

Something's still amiss.

I'm only walking during my work break, but at least I'm walking.  We're due for 85 to 90-plus degree weather later this week, so there's no way on God's green earth I'll be walking during that shit.

Today I turned the music OFF during my walk because I was losing the connection to the earth. I wasn't hearing the birds or the wind, I wasn't smelling the earth scents, but I am again.

When I walked outside of work this past Friday, these clouds took my breath, quite literally. They are stunning...#whyIwalk.

I'll keep going.

Not Good

Not having a stellar week, at least not for home-walking.  Still walking during my break at work, just not at home.

Also, I've been nibbling more on the Chips Ahoy cookies.

Something's amiss.

I'm Proud of Me

I am damn  proud of myself.  Walking almost every day has become so much easier.

It feels good.
It feels right.
I think about it when I'm not walking.
At the few times my mental chatter says no,
     it's like my body takes over and I walk anyway.

The only time I don't walk is when either my knee or my back are too painful.  And then, I'll maybe walk around the backyard, very slowly and steadily, but it feels good.

Sometimes I walk slowly just to walk, and that's okay.

Since I last wrote on April 20, I've walked a total of 12.77 miles!!  TWELVE POINT SEVEN SEVEN MILES!!

I've found a new route from home which is 1.86 miles and I like it.

I also love the wind blowing on me, the birds singing, the new Spring growth, the beautiful smells from the newly budding flowering trees.

Most of the time I don't hurt. 

Thank You God.