Did It!

I did it!  I actually completed a 5k Run/Walk (I walked, obviously), and best of all...I did NOT come in last!  Close, but not last!

Yesterday most of my family participated in the 5k Run/Walk to honor my daughter's college graduation.  It was waaaay better, and waaaay more fun, than sitting through an actual graduation, although we'd have done that if she'd chosen that. 

Look at us there, all rarin' to go!

Thankfully it was a chilly, rainy day so there was very little, if any, sweating involved.  I do NOT sweat if at all possible.  It is not my thing.  

I had two personal goals for yesterday:

1)  to finish

AND

   2) to NOT finish last.  

Accomplished both, thankyouverymuch!! 

(Andy, Colleen, Chelsea, Bobby and moi)

It was a joyous feeling crossing that line with so much of my family close by, especially seeing my husband's smiling face waiting for me!  

I have no idea what in God's name I was gazing off into the sunset for, but this man is my biggest fan, and I cherish that.  I don't always tell him that, but I do.  His love gives me the courage to go out into this world and do what I gotta do.  We all deserve to feel that.  

Anyway...

I had fun, I felt good, and yes, I'd do it again.  

I HAVE RACE STATS!

Here are my STATS.  

Pretty lame but they're MY STATS!  

↑  Our graduate!  ↑

(Cate, yourstruly, and Bob)

(Bob, Colleen and Andy aka HotDogMan)

(Josh, Chelsea, Bobby, Autumn, Cate, Adrienne, and Colleen)

(Autumn and Adrienne)

(Cate, Autumn, Adrienne, Colleen, Chelsea, Bobby, me)

(my baby, Colleen and me)

'Til next time...

Walk on.

     

Is This a Test?

A week or so after I started this walking journey, I began to "feel" my right knee.

Nothing outrageous, but it was new.

Ever since then, that knee has been hurting, sometimes so bad that I'm unable to walk until it "snaps" back into place.  It has to be related, without a doubt.  But when I'm walking, it's ok.

Two days ago, on Good Friday, it was all I could do to walk at all.  My daughter, son-in-law and grandson were here and I could barely walk around the back yard with the little one.  My knee was going downhill fast.

So I didn't walk with my poles.

Yesterday when I awoke, I was in more pain than I've been in for years.  Not only was the knee hurting, the pain in my back was a 12 on a scale of 10.

What.  The.  Effing.  Hell.

Is this a test to see if I'll quit?

It took me four Motrin, ice, and barely standing up for five/six hours before the pain level came down to about a 9.

So I limped out to my cottage, strapped on my poles, and "walked" around the backyard, ever so slowly.

I walked slowly through the blueberries, looked at the Dawn Redwood tree, talked to the two maples we transplanted last fall, watched Grandmother Willow, then came back to the house.

And did it two more times, because it felt that good.

I took off my shoes and felt the cool grass under my feet.

It helped.

Today is a new day.

Slow and steady wins the race.

Clementine Wins Over Chips Ahoy!

Finally got to walk again today; yesterday was a day filled with rain, and lots of it!

I have to say that I could feel the determination beginning to wane somewhat today, maybe because it's another gray day, maybe because I haven't walked consistently.  Either way, I got out there before I could totally lose my "oomph".

There is progress, though.  While I wasn't jumping up and down to walk today, the positive mind chatter was much louder and more persistent than the negative mind chatter, and THAT is success.

I'm feeling blue today because it's the 14th anniversary of losing Dad.  I still miss him.  Too many emotions to accurately put into words, so I won't try.

I started to go for my standard "drug of choice", Chips Ahoy cookies, but instead, I peeled and ate a clementine. Hence, "Clementine Wins Over Chips Ahoy".

Every single small success adds up.

I sit in my cottage for a little bit after my walks, mostly to just have some quiet time.  

I'm starting to feel a little bit proud of myself for not quitting, 

but I also know that that's a precarious thought. 

So again, I thank You, God, for keeping me going. 

It's Past Time to Begin

I'm a dreamer, an "imaginer" if you will.  I've spent most of my adulthood imagining all of the things I want to do and be, while simply going about the necessities of life.

I don't regret going about the necessities of life, though; I have a good marriage, four fantastic kids, two adorable grandkids, a job that I'm damn good at, friends, a home, a cottage for creating, and much much more.  It's a good life.

The part that I "live" inside of my head is that I'm physically healthy, strong and balanced. Inside my head, I'm slender (effortlessly, of course), and I get that way by eating well and walking.  That's the "imaginer" part, though.

I'm none of the above.  

While I do walk during my break at work, it's more of a meander, a stroll, quiet time spent alone, most definitely NOT a power walk.  

Today that changes.  Today begins my journey back to myself.  

I'm scared because I'm a quitter.  

I'm scared of failure.

I'm scared that I'll never change.

I'm scared that it will be too late.

I'm scared of sharing photos of myself.

I'm scared I'll be judged.

I'm scared I'll quit.

But today that changes...today begins my journey back to myself.

My new Nordic Walking Poles.  I'm counting on them to save my life.  

 Day One - Vernal Equinox, rubber boots, backyard, sunshine, snow.

Day One - me, 45 pounds overweight, work clothes, scared of failing, but starting just the same.