Really Not Good

I haven't walked in, well, in I don't know how long.  There are a number of reasons, aka excuses why, like humidity, rain, heat.

None of them matter, except for the humidity part; I won't walk in THAT shit.

Is it because I don't care?  I don't freaking know.

But it worries me because I know me.

Still Not So Great

Something's still amiss.

I'm only walking during my work break, but at least I'm walking.  We're due for 85 to 90-plus degree weather later this week, so there's no way on God's green earth I'll be walking during that shit.

Today I turned the music OFF during my walk because I was losing the connection to the earth. I wasn't hearing the birds or the wind, I wasn't smelling the earth scents, but I am again.

When I walked outside of work this past Friday, these clouds took my breath, quite literally. They are stunning...#whyIwalk.

I'll keep going.

Not Good

Not having a stellar week, at least not for home-walking.  Still walking during my break at work, just not at home.

Also, I've been nibbling more on the Chips Ahoy cookies.

Something's amiss.

I'm Proud of Me

I am damn  proud of myself.  Walking almost every day has become so much easier.

It feels good.
It feels right.
I think about it when I'm not walking.
At the few times my mental chatter says no,
     it's like my body takes over and I walk anyway.

The only time I don't walk is when either my knee or my back are too painful.  And then, I'll maybe walk around the backyard, very slowly and steadily, but it feels good.

Sometimes I walk slowly just to walk, and that's okay.

Since I last wrote on April 20, I've walked a total of 12.77 miles!!  TWELVE POINT SEVEN SEVEN MILES!!

I've found a new route from home which is 1.86 miles and I like it.

I also love the wind blowing on me, the birds singing, the new Spring growth, the beautiful smells from the newly budding flowering trees.

Most of the time I don't hurt. 

Thank You God.

Purpose Over Fear

I'm going for a walk in a few minutes, even though my mental chatter has been saying "no".

So I asked myself why, why "no" when it feels good. Why?

And it came back...the fear.
The fear that someone might see me.
The fear that someone might make fun of me.
The fear that it's not going to make me slimmer.
The fear that it's a waste of time.
The fear that it doesn't matter.

But I'm going anyway.

I need self-respect.

Purpose over fear.

Sometimes It's Time To Stay Put

I've learned over the years that sometimes, when you make concrete plans, God has other plans. That's what happened this school vacation week.

My back was a bit iffy this past Friday, and by Saturday morning, the pain from my back and knee was terrible, 12 on a scale of 1 - 10.

I walked very slowly and quietly around the back yard over the weekend, and took Bobby for a walk in his stroller yesterday.  Not a power walk, but a slow one; I was unsteady, too.

Today it's cold and rainy which is my favorite weather, but not for walking, not this week.

I've done nothing that I'd planned, nothing.   Today is the first day that I even thought about going out into my cottage to craft at all.

It's going to be a bitch to get out of this mental ditch I'm in.  Because I'm back in it, deep.

Is This a Test?

A week or so after I started this walking journey, I began to "feel" my right knee.

Nothing outrageous, but it was new.

Ever since then, that knee has been hurting, sometimes so bad that I'm unable to walk until it "snaps" back into place.  It has to be related, without a doubt.  But when I'm walking, it's ok.

Two days ago, on Good Friday, it was all I could do to walk at all.  My daughter, son-in-law and grandson were here and I could barely walk around the back yard with the little one.  My knee was going downhill fast.

So I didn't walk with my poles.

Yesterday when I awoke, I was in more pain than I've been in for years.  Not only was the knee hurting, the pain in my back was a 12 on a scale of 10.

What.  The.  Effing.  Hell.

Is this a test to see if I'll quit?

It took me four Motrin, ice, and barely standing up for five/six hours before the pain level came down to about a 9.

So I limped out to my cottage, strapped on my poles, and "walked" around the backyard, ever so slowly.

I walked slowly through the blueberries, looked at the Dawn Redwood tree, talked to the two maples we transplanted last fall, watched Grandmother Willow, then came back to the house.

And did it two more times, because it felt that good.

I took off my shoes and felt the cool grass under my feet.

It helped.

Today is a new day.

Slow and steady wins the race.